How to Let Other People Network Like Humans Too

I have a love/hate relationship with being referred to as "The Networking Queen."

This phrase often conjures up images of someone super confident, outgoing and polished.  She's out every night and you see her at every event, working the room, making everyone feel like they are her best friend.  On social media, it seems like everyone knows her AND loves her.

So years ago, when I attended a business conference and heard one woman saying I was "not at all what she expected," it changed really changed my understanding of authenticity in networking.

In this episode, I'll share that story and some gentle reminders about the imporance of allowing other people to be human too.  Showing grace and empathy and remembering that your first impression may not always be the truth can go a long way in building your network with the right people.

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Our next PWR Virtual Speed Networking Event is the perfect place to practice showing up authentically AND allowing others to be human too!  https://powerfulwomenrising.com/events

For even deeper connections, check out the Powerful Women Rising Community here:  https://powerfulwomenrising.com/community/

Don't forget my free list of the Top Virtual Networking Events for Female Entreprenuers!  https://powerfulwomenrising.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Powerful Women Rising, the podcast where we ditch the rulebook and build businesses with authenticity, integrity and a whole lot of fun. Join host Melissa Snow, business relationship strategist and founder of the Powerful Women Rising community, as she interviews top experts and shares candid insights on business strategy, marketing, mindset and more. Let's get real, get inspired and rise together. This is Powerful Women Rising.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the podcast Funny story. The version of that intro that I have saved on my computer is actually called sped up intro and still when I listen to it I'm like talk faster, lady. I think it's because I am a really fast talker and I like us to just get to where we're going. My new saying is all right, it's time to land the plane. Like let's get to the point here, people, which is hilarious because, especially when I was like a teenager in my early 20s, my mom would always say, like is there a Reader's Digest version of this story? And I was like no, these details are all very important parts of the story. Thank you very much. If this is your first time listening to the podcast or you're new to the podcast, welcome, so excited to have you here.

Speaker 2: 1:22

My name is Melissa. I am a business relationship strategist, which basically just means I teach you how to grow your business through networking and not the sleazy, salesy, uncomfortable small talk, having cocktails with weird men, kind of networking that none of us want to do. I teach you how to grow your business through authentic connections and genuine relationships. That is how I have built and grown three successful businesses. It is the one thing that has consistently brought me clients and made me money over and over again, and I do that through the Powerful Women Rising community, which is an online community for female entrepreneurs. That is my favorite place to hang out. We are up to a little over 50 members now and we have women from all over the world. We have women who are new to business. We have women who have been in business for almost 30 years. We have women in all different industries and we come together to see how we can support each other, how we can help each other, work through challenges, brainstorm together, come up with ideas, share what's worked for us and grow our businesses in a really positive, fun, awesome environment. So if that appeals to you, definitely click the link in the show notes and check it out.

Speaker 2: 2:40

And today we are talking about how to be yourself and, more importantly, how to let other people be themselves when you are networking. This is a really big topic, so we're only going to address a small, small portion of it today, but this has been on my mind a lot recently because I'm preparing to go out of town for a two-day convention for a networking group that I am a part of, and I've been thinking a lot about my experiences at other big events like this, and I want to tell you a little story. So years ago I went to a conference that was for female business owners and I was super excited because there were a lot of people going who I was connected with on social media. I felt like I knew them and they knew me, but we never actually met in real life. And the second day of the convention I got out of the elevator and I happened to overhear some women talking about me and basically what they were saying was I was not at all what they were expecting me to be, not in a good way. They thought I was going to be much friendlier and that they didn't understand quote unquote what the big deal about me was. And at first I was like, oh, I have been the wrong person since I got here, right, like everyone was expecting me to be something else and I screwed that up. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought this is actually really just about extending grace to other people and not only networking as a human, but also accepting the fact that the people you are networking with are also humans.

Speaker 2: 4:30

I have a love-hate relationship with the fact that a lot of people refer to me as the networking queen. In fact, I think I've got that in my Instagram bio and I leave it there because of the love part of my love-hate relationship with it there, because of the love part of my love-hate relationship with it. What I hate about it is I feel like when you hear the term networking queen, what do you think of Like, what does that conjure up for you If you didn't know me at all and maybe you don't and you hear, oh, melissa Snow, the networking queen. What do you expect me to be? What do you expect me to be doing in the evenings? How do you expect me to show up to a networking event that you're at?

Speaker 2: 5:08

What are your expectations of someone who calls themselves the networking queen? Because to me, I think, oh, she's at all the events, she's all the places, she knows all the people. When she goes to the events, she's the person who is making her way around the room and she she talks to everybody and everybody feels like they're her best friend and she is like super social and outgoing and personable and like never gets tired and always wants to people. That's what I think when I think networking queen, and the reason I have a love relationship with that phrase is because that's not at all what I am, and I love showing people that you can still be successful and build a business through networking without being that person. But along with that title clearly comes some expectations for who people think I am and how people think I'm going to show up, and often those expectations are not met, and then we both have to deal with it in the best way that we know how, either by talking shit about me behind my back or me letting it go and just being myself right.

Speaker 2: 6:16

So how does this apply to you? Well, a couple different ways. First, I want to encourage you, when you encounter other people at networking events, to, yes, trust your intuition, but don't always decide that your first impression of someone is your final impression. Sometimes people need a little bit of time. I have a friend and I tell her she is like an M&M because she has this hard candy shell, but then on the inside she's a little more gooey, right. A lot of people don't come off the best on their first impressions. On their second and third impressions you're like how did I ever live my life without this person. So make sure that you are not judging someone based on the first impression that you're getting of them.

Speaker 2: 7:07

At a networking event, where they may be very uncomfortable, they may be very anxious, maybe they had a really bad day, maybe they slept like shit the night before, like for me at this conference. What was going on? The first day? My ADHD had not been diagnosed yet and it was completely out of hand Like I kept having to get up and go stand at the back of the room during the speakers just so I could focus and not fall asleep. And as I was standing back there, my brain started telling me these stories about how weird I was and how I never fit in anywhere and why did I even come here, and that created a lot of anxiety for me. Plus I was very tired, my shoes were hurting my feet, plus it was cold AF in that conference room and I freaking hate being cold. So all of those things combined clearly were weighing on me and gave these women who I heard talking about me some impression of who I was compared to, who they thought I was going to be, and really all I was doing was showing up in my humanness.

Speaker 2: 8:08

So realize that there is probably a lot more to the story than what you're seeing when you first meet someone. There is a lot more going on for them than just how they're showing up at that event, and there is a lot to them that you don't know, and you have to be discerning enough to be able to make the decision. Do I want to put in the time and effort to learn the rest of it, to see if there is more, or don't I? But if you don't make sure that you're making that decision based on solid reasons and not just your first impression of that person, remember that not only are you networking as a human, but so is everyone else. So allow them grace to be human and meet them where they are at. The other thing I want to suggest is checking it out with them, asking them questions. This is going to help you get information to find out. Is this how this person typically is? Is my first impression accurate or is there something more going on here? And do I want to get to know them better and find out what else there is? You will probably endear yourself to someone forever if you ask them those human questions, like I'm not telling you.

Speaker 2: 9:21

Go up to someone you just met at a networking event and be like hi, what's your deepest trauma in life and is this triggering it? But just ask them do you go to events like this a lot? Do these events make you nervous? They kind of make me nervous. How are you feeling here tonight? Are you comfortable? What is this experience like for you? That is going to help you get a better idea of who they are and whether the person they are showing up as there is truly who they are.

Speaker 2: 9:50

If someone were to come up to me at the back of the room during that conference and been like are you okay? You look a little anxious, what's going on? Are you struggling? Because I struggle at things like this? That would have made a world of difference to me and it also would have allowed her to see that perhaps the first impression that she had of me wasn't accurate and that there was more going on that day than just what she was able to see. And then, for you, as the networker, I want to just remind you of something that you already know and give you permission in case you need it, you can be yourself Just because you're going to a networking event just because you're going to a huge conference with people that you only see once a year, just because there is someone who you perceive as very important and influential and powerful and successful. At this networking event, you can still be you, and you should.

Speaker 2: 10:47

If you are going to an event where there is a theme party and dressing up is not your jam, don't dress up. If you are going to an event where there is a karaoke night or a dance party or a drag show and that gives you anxiety just thinking about it. But then you think, gosh, what are people going to think about me if I don't go? Are they going to think I'm not fun? Are they going to think I think I'm better than them? What's going to happen? Am I going to have FOMO? Just be you, do what makes you comfortable and I promise you will not be the only one. You will find your people who also are into the same things that you're into and are not into the same things that you're not into. This is how you create a network of the right people.

Speaker 2: 11:42

I was just talking to somebody the other day about cutting down on her networking groups and she's trying to decide. Which ones am I going to keep doing? Which ones do I want to add? Do I want to add any? And I was saying, you know, a lot of times people think that it's better to be in a whole bunch of networking groups because then you meet a whole bunch of people. But what happens is you are able to meet all of those people at about a two out of 10. Whereas if you were just in two select groups, maybe you could meet those people at a six or seven out of 10. And that is always going to be more beneficial for you. And it is always going to be more beneficial for you to create relationships. And always going to be more beneficial for you to create relationships and grow your network with the right people the people who have the same values as you.

Speaker 2: 12:26

The people who like the same things that you like. The people who are in business for the same reasons. The people who want to get up early every day and work out, even if they're at a conference. The people who miss the first speaker every day because they literally cannot get up before 9 am. Right, like, whatever your jam is, find your people. Don't force yourself to fit into the mold of the other people so that they can be your people.

Speaker 2: 12:54

I just said people a whole lot in one sentence, but I think it made sense. All right, I'm going to get off my soapbox now. I am going to finish getting ready to go to this event. I will record a podcast episode when I get home and let you know all of my takeaways. I am also planning to post on Instagram and, if I remember, to go live. So if you're not following me on Instagram, definitely go over there and follow me. I'm at Powerful Women Rising, would love to connect with you, would love to share some of my experiences at this event and I will see you guys next week.

Speaker 1: 13:32

Thanks for listening to Powerful Women Rising. We hope today's episode inspired you to keep rising. If you love the podcast, please subscribe and leave a review. It's like giving us a virtual hug and helps more awesome women like you find the show. Click the link in the show notes to get your free list of top virtual networking events for female entrepreneurs. It's time to make real connections and grow your business with integrity and authenticity. Until next time, keep rising and stay powerful.