Don't Be a Salesy Weirdo (From the Your Next Business Bestie podcast w/Jenn Wayboer Hartt)

If you’ve ever left a networking event thinking “Never again...” this one's for you.

In this episode, the tables are turned: I’m the guest this time, joining Jenn Wayboer Hart (winner of the 2024 PWR Impact Award for Businss Support Person of the Year) on her podcast, Your Next Business Bestie.

We get really real about why so many networking spaces feel disconnected, and how to find (or create) ones that feel supportive, intentional, and aligned with who you actually are. I also share the behind-the-scenes of how my Virtual Speed Networking events are designed to be introvert-friendly, value-driven, and genuinely fun.

You’ll hear about:

• The difference between performing and connecting
• How to follow up without sounding like a robot
• Why authenticity is more than a buzzword - it’s a business strategy
• What to do when your business has to pivot, pause, or rebuild

This episode is full of stories, mindset shifts, and practical tools to help you build a business that’s rooted in real relationships - the kind that feel good and lead to actual growth.

Loved this convo?  Listen to more of Your Next Business Bestie HERE!

Want to practice this kind of connection in real life? 

Come to the next PWR Virtual Speed Networking event (always the first Tuesday of the month. 

For even deeper connections, more support and faster business growth, check out the Powerful Women Rising Business Growth Community!

Mentioned in This Episode:

- Nominations for the 2025 PWR Impact Awards are OPEN until 10/20/25!

- Listen to Jenn Wayboer Hartt's interview on the Powerful Women Rising podast!

- Learn more about Jenn and her services HERE!

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & Awards Announcement
• 1:31 Why Share Jen’s Interview
• 3:58 Meet Jen & Show Setup
• 6:07 Melissa’s Pivot to Networking Strategy
• 10:52 The Power of Relationships Over Tactics
• 14:18 Shutting Down, Starting Over, Rebuilding
• 18:31 Trust, Audience Nuance, and Comparisons
• 22:48 Networking for Introverts Without the Ick
• 27:10 Find Formats That Fit You
• 31:58 Handling Judgment and Owning Your Style
• 36:55 Designing Great Virtual Networking
• 44:16 Better Prompts, Better Connections
• 47:40 Why Keep Going When It’s Hard

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Welcome to Powerful Women Rising, a podcast for female entrepreneurs ready to do business their way. Grab your coffee and join host Melissa Snow, a business relationship strategist and founder of the Powerful Women Rising community, as she interviews industry experts and shares insights on strategy, marketing, mindset, and more. Here you'll find the tools, strategies, and inspiration you need to feel empowered, take bold action in your business, and keep rising.

SPEAKER_01: 0:34

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Powerful Women Rising Podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Snow, business relationship strategist, founder of the Powerful Women Rising Business Growth Community, and host of the monthly Powerful Women Rising virtual speed networking events. I am so happy to be here with you guys today. I know I say that all the time, but if you follow me on social media or you know me in real life, you know there's been a lot of changes in my life in the last six months, I don't know, maybe the last two years I should say. And uh yeah, it's just, I feel like coming back to this podcast, as weird as it sounds, feels a lot like coming home. It feels a lot like coming back to my people. And I know we're not having a two-sided conversation, but the fact that I record these podcasts, knowing that there are so many of you that show up every other week to hear it and be a part of this world means so much to me. I can't even tell you. So today we're mixing things up a little bit because in case you haven't heard, nominations are currently open for the Powerful Women Rising 2025 Impact Awards. There's a bunch of different categories that you can nominate people in. Yes, you can nominate yourself. Yes, you can nominate as many people as you want in as many categories as you want. I'll put the link in the show notes for more information. But one of the winners from last year, uh, she actually won the 2024 award for best business support person, is Jen Wabor Hart. And she's just an awesome human being and she does so much to help other business owners in so many ways. She's one of those people who is often behind the scenes creating so much magic and probably doesn't get enough credit for it. Uh, Jen has been on my podcast. She was on my podcast last year when she won the award. I will link to that in the show notes too, because that's a great episode. And I also was on her podcast, which is called Your Next Business Bestie. And I wanted to share the interview that I did on her podcast with you guys for a couple of reasons. One, Jen is very much on my level when it comes to uh no fluff and no BS and no small talk. Like let's get to the real stuff that's underneath the surface. Let's share stuff that's actually helpful for people and let's tell our authentic stories because when we do that, it gives other people so much permission and safety to share their own authentic stories and to accept where they are in business and be okay with it rather than us always trying to portray this image of like the perfect businesswoman who is making so much money and has everything together because that is not realistic for anyone, no matter who you are. And really, all that does is make other people feel bad about themselves. So Jen and I talked about so many things in this episode. It was titled Don't Be a Salesy Weirdo. Um, but really that encompasses so many different things. And I'm excited for you guys to listen to this podcast and to connect with Jen, listen to her other podcasts because she interviews some amazing women on there who share some incredible stories that are just so inspiring. And reach out to me, let me know if you listened to this episode and what your takeaways were because I know there's some amazing nuggets in here.

SPEAKER_02: 3:56

All right, guys, here we go. Hey, welcome back to your next business bestie. My name is Jen Wabor Hart, and I'm your host. I'm a creative strategist, yoga teacher, wife, mom, and pet mom located outside of Colorado Springs, Colorado. As a creative strategist, I help business owners take their big crazy ideas and turn them into reality. Your next business bestie is all about connecting you with incredible business owners. It is, of course, because of their business, but more than that, it's because of their story. I believe that the authentic sharing of stories has the power to save lives. And if you just get one story from this podcast that makes a difference in your life, I'll consider it a success. So thank you for being here. Please consider taking a moment to subscribe, rate the podcast, and maybe even share it with someone else who you think could benefit from the story we're sharing this week. So sit back and enjoy this week's episode of your next business bestie. I am super excited to introduce you all to Melissa Snow this week. Hi, Melissa. How are you?

SPEAKER_01: 5:10

Hi, I'm great.

SPEAKER_02: 5:11

Thank you so much for having me on your show. Thank you for taking the time. Melissa and I were just talking, and you put it perfectly. We just kind of know each other. We're not really completely sure how. We know we both attended the same extraordinary women ignite event almost going on three years ago. Which no, four years. It'll be four years. I don't know. Time isn't real. But now I have been on Melissa's podcast and we are very much connected in the digital space. But Melissa, why don't you tell everybody what it is that you do?

SPEAKER_01: 5:47

Yeah. So thank you again for having me on the show. I'm super excited to talk to you. And I love, I love that we just know each other because that's one of my favorite things about networking. It's like I meet a lot of people and they're like, how do I know you? I'm like, I don't know. You just do magic. So yeah, I am currently a business relationship strategist. So basically what that means is I help entrepreneurs grow their business through networking. And I think of networking as anything that you do that is creating a connection with another person. So I'm all about what I say is helping people find out how to network like a human and not like a salesy weirdo. So how to do it in a way that is aligned with you, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, or you are socially awkward, or you love people, you're confident, you're shy, you're outgoing, you're not. There's a way that you can network that will not feel terrible to you and also that will be effective for growing your business. And so that's really what I focus on in terms of speaking and teaching and training. And then I also run an online community for female entrepreneurs. It's called the Powerful Women Rising Community. And it's for any woman who has a business and they want to grow their business with a community of other women who also value that connection, sharing wisdom with each other, supporting each other, referring each other, promoting each other. So yeah, that's kind of the heart and soul of what I do.

SPEAKER_02: 7:15

We'll get into all the details, but really quick, because I know I have listeners all over the country. Your online powerful women rising, is that local? Is it everywhere? What's the geographical range of women in that group?

SPEAKER_01: 7:29

It's all over the place. So I run a monthly virtual speed networking event that is open to the public. You don't have to be a member of the powerful women rising community to come to that. And we have women who come to that event from all over the world every month. I always ask if you're not in the US, drop in the chat and tell us where you're from. And my mind is always blown with people from Nigeria and Israel and the UK and all over the place. And then, yeah, in the powerful women rising community, the women who actually join the community, we have women from all over the world as well.

SPEAKER_02: 8:02

Incredible. You touched on so many important things. As someone who's very introverted, my parents don't believe me, but I am actually very introverted. I feel so awkward around groups of people I don't know. We actually just talked about this. But how did this become your passion?

SPEAKER_01: 8:19

Yeah, so it's a long story, but I'll try to give you the reader's digest version. That's what my mom used to always say to me when I was a teenager and I'd tell her stories. She's like, is there a reader's digest version of this story? And I'm like, no, there is not. You get to listen to the whole thing, every unimportant detail. I've I've I've become more concise as I've grown up. So I got into entrepreneurship by accident, as many of us do. I was working full-time as a personal injury paralegal, and I started working on the side for a guy who had a business basically where he would subcontract for other people who would write medical record summaries for personal injury attorneys. And so I started writing summaries for him, which was a great gig for him because he would charge these law firms$60 an hour. He would pay me$25 an hour to actually do the work. And it was amazing. And so he decided to take his business in a different direction and basically asked me, Do you want my clients? And I was like, sure. So I became an entrepreneur in a way that most people don't, with a full client load the next day, consistently making money, never having to advertise or market or do sales calls or anything. And I was like, being an entrepreneur is freaking awesome. Why doesn't everybody do this? And around that same time, I was also getting my life coaching certification. And when I got my certification, I thought it would be the same way. I really thought I would just be like, I'm a life coach, who's ready for coaching? And then like all the people would come and I would be rich. And spoiler alert, it didn't go that way. I know you're surprised to hear. Okay. And I realized that there was a lot more to it. And I spent so much time and money, especially in the beginning, doing all of the things that I thought I needed to do to grow my business. Like, I need a logo, I need a website, I need branding photos, I need business cards, I need to take this, this, and this course, I need to do this mastermind, I need to hire this expensive coach, like all of these things that I thought this is what I need to grow my business. And looking back over the six, seven years that I was a dating and relationship coach, what I realized was the one thing that had consistently made me money and brought me clients was the relationships that I had built, the connections that I made along my journey. It wasn't any of those things. And there is a time and place for all of those things. Like I'm not saying branding's not important. I'm not saying you don't need a website. I'm not saying you don't need to know how to sell. But ultimately, I feel like the simplest, most sustainable, but also most underrated form of business growth there is is networking. And I think a big reason for that is because there's a lot of misconceptions about it. There's a lot of people who don't understand what networking is or what the purpose of it is or how to do it effectively. And so that's really what I wanted to help women in particular focus on is like, how do we get you out there in a way that you don't feel like you're pretending to be someone else? Because I think that's a big part of why many of us don't like networking. You can go out there and be yourself, you can do it in a way that feels good to you and also still use it to grow your business at the same time.

SPEAKER_02: 11:35

All of that. I do want to touch on the branding website. All of that, I did an episode in December where I did 35 things I've learned in 35 years. And one of those things was there isn't a right order to do your business in. And I meet with a couple fellow entrepreneurs weekly, and their businesses are much newer than mine. And they were a couple of them were talking about getting their websites up or their social or whatever. And I had this moment where I shared with them, I didn't have a website for the first two and a half or three years of my business. And that's because my business was has always been referral-based, 100%. And it comes back to that networking piece. And I think as time goes on, what you're saying is just becoming more and more important because people are tired of being sold to, they're tired of just feeling like dollar signs, and they want to know who you are as a human being. So that's networking, that's showing them who you are as a human, not just a business owner, but who you are in your personal life, what's important to you. So, how long ago did you make this shift to focusing on helping people with networking?

SPEAKER_01: 12:42

Yeah, I shut down my dating and relationship coaching business about three years ago, somewhat against my will. It was one of those things where, like, you get a little whisper from the universe. It's like, I don't think this is what you're supposed to be doing anymore. And you're like, I'm not listening to you because I spent a lot of time and money on this and we're doing it. And they just kept coming and kept coming. And then over the summer, my Facebook account got deleted. And I at that time had a Facebook group with like over 3,000 single women in it. I had a book club for single women that was really popular. And I had almost a thousand women in that group. And that was before we all knew like, don't build your business on Facebook. And also before we were all smart enough to make one of our best friends another admin so they could let us back in the group if we got kicked out. And there's a pro tip for y'all. And so it was just all gone. And after I was done feeling sorry for myself, I was like, okay, maybe this is the universe being like, I know you were going to drag your feet on this for another year, and you're not going to do that. So you're done with this. Like you're starting over anyway. So you decide you want to start over with a new business or you want to start this business over again. And so that was it. I wasn't really sure what the next business was going to be, but I was working with a coach at the time who was helping me, for lack of a better way to say it, get out of my masculine energy and more into my feminine energy. And so she was very much like, you know, this is your baby, and you just have to let it be born when it wants to be born and let it come to you. You can't force this. And I was like, this is all so against my nature, but okay, let's just let this baby be born. And slowly but surely, parts of it came to me, parts of it came together in full transparency. I did a founding members launch that January, January 23. And I had, I think, 36 women in my founding members launch. They all paid for six months up front. And in return for the discount, they gave me feedback as we were going. And at the end of that six month founding members launch, three of them decided to continue on. And I was like, oh, this did not go how I thought it was going to. And so definitely had to regroup, take a lot of their feedback, figure out what went wrong and what I needed to tweak. And we relaunched that October, and now we have about 50 members. So I like to share that part of the story because I think a lot of times as business owners, we like to be like, and then I started a business and it's super successful and I love it. And then everybody listening is like, well, why did I have to tweak mine like 94 times and it's still not working? That's that's real life.

SPEAKER_02: 15:26

And the tweaking happens forever, right? And it's both sides. One, we have to our businesses grow and evolve. And two, we get to because we get to have these businesses pivot with our own lives, which was pretty cool too. What was the experience like with building that foundational group, that beta group when you launched your business? How did you find those 36 women to be part of this initial group?

SPEAKER_01: 15:55

I mean, a big part of it was because I'd done a lot of networking before that. And I want to be clear when I say I'd done a lot of networking before that. I don't mean I had gone to a bunch of networking events. I was part of a thousand networking groups. What I really mean is I had been very intentional about building relationships with people that I met in those spaces. So it's really wasn't about quantity necessarily, but it was about being intentional about what relationships I grew and how I nurtured those relationships. And I think that's important because especially in this day and age of so many like celebrity coaches and you know influencers that now all of a sudden are business coaches and they're like, I'll give you my five steps that made me$10 million, blah, blah, blah. And people ask me a lot, like, tell me exactly what you did to grow your community. And I'm like, I can't because you're not me, right? And these people that are like, I did these five things, they're leaving out the part that they already had an audience of 40 million followers, or that they already had a background in marketing, or you know, there's a lot that we don't talk about. And so for me, that that really is why I was able to launch with 36 founding members, I think, is because I already had a lot of people that knew me and liked me and trusted me. And so then when I was like, hey, here's this thing and it's gonna be great, they were like, Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02: 17:25

Yeah, that trust piece is incredible. I started off in direct sales. I actually sold sex toys as my first job out of college. I sold pure romance, and I often hear that I have people that bought pure romance products from me that have hired me for creative strategy, or they still refer people out. And in between there, I've done a lot. I sold origami owls, I sold jewelry, where I had a team of 250 consultants, and I did LulaRel, for better or worse. LulaRoe helped me move to Colorado. And I actually love direct sales. I think it has a really bad rap, but you can do it right. But I have people that have followed me through all of these steps, and it's simply because they trust me. Like your 36 founding members, you have these relationships with them. They're like, oh, Melissa says this is gonna be great. It's gonna be great. I believe her. And I think entrepreneurship comes down to that no like and trust, as cliche as it might sound. And I think another important part of what you said is everybody's story is different. So judging our success based on someone else, you have to look at their whole story, their whole background. What do you bring to the table that they don't? And what did they bring to their table that you don't, instead of this comparison of highlight reels, uh, which we all can get a little caught up in? So, how would you approach a client like me, let's say, who is introverted, who hates going into space? I'm not the person who's gonna go to a BI meeting and introduce myself to 20 people. And yeah. So, how would you suggest networking? Give us some tips and tricks for the person who actually, let's say, really dislikes traditional networking.

SPEAKER_01: 19:08

Yeah, that's a really easy question to answer because that is a hundred percent me. I am all those things. And people often are like, you're not an introvert. I'm like, I'm confident and that makes you think I'm not an introvert. I'm not shy, and that makes you think I'm not an introvert. But believe me, on the inside, the inside of me is like, oh my God, get me out of here. So I've learned a lot through my experiences. And obviously, the first piece I think of anything is our mindset. I think it's what you're thinking going into it. You and I were talking before we started recording about our experience at that conference that we attended. And I was telling you, like, maybe I didn't talk to you because I was being very weird that weekend. And part of that was I had overheard some women talking, and I don't know for sure that they were talking about me, but you know, I believed they were. And they were saying basically something along the lines of like, I don't really see what the big deal is uh about her. And I thought she would be a lot friendlier than she is. And that I'm sharing that story because I think it's so interesting that when people hear, like, oh, she's the networking queen, or like, oh, she teaches people how to network. I think people who don't know me imagine that I'm this like schmoozer. Like, I love walking into a room full of people I don't know and just like charming the pants off of them and making them all my client. And that I just like love that. That's like my worst nightmare. So I would say getting into the right mindset of like knowing that you don't have to go and try to be somebody that you're not, knowing that if you make one connection at that event or that meeting or wherever you're going to, that is a huge win. I think that's sometimes what we get caught up in is like we we left and we didn't meet everyone in the room. And so we think we did it wrong. You 100% didn't, because I promise half those people you didn't want to meet anyway. And so like really being clear about what your intention is and what your objective is there and allowing yourself to really be yourself and letting go of the imposter syndrome is a huge one because that that often acts causes us to act weird and not like ourselves, or it's just what keeps us from going, right? Like we were talking about I need a website, I need this, I need this. And a lot of times why we think we need those things is because we think that is going to show people that we're legit. Like if I show up without any of those things, I don't have a business card, I don't have a website, just like, hey, here's my phone number. They're all gonna be like, oh, I knew she wasn't a real business owner. So getting all of that like head trash out of the way first is very helpful. And the biggest thing I would say is you have to try several different, if we're talking about networking groups and meetings and things, you have to try several different formats and types and styles before you find what works for you. You know, there's a lot of crossover between what I worked with my dating and relationship coach clients on and what I work with business owners on, because they would go on a dating app and be like, that was terrible. I'm never doing that again. And I'm like, okay, well, that was Tinder. There's like 94 other ones that are different than Tinder. And networking is really the same way. Like a lot of people will go to, let's say, like a BI. And I'm this is not a dig on BI, but BI is a very tends to be a very polarizing group. People either love BI or it's not their vibe. And so a lot of times people will go to a BI meeting and then they'll be like, no, I tried networking. It was not for me. It was terrible. Okay, well, there's a lot of other groups that are different than BI. You know, there are some that are it's similar, like Master Networks is somewhat similar, but I think a little less intense. And then there are some that are on the complete other end of the spectrum that are very, very relationship focused, very much about connection and community and sisterhood and not necessarily about growing your business, although if that happens, great. And then there are a lot in between. So you might find that you like networking virtually more than you like networking in person. I think that's true for a lot of introverts. If you can find a good virtual networking event, I always joke that I like networking virtually because then if I'm uncomfortable or I like say something ridiculous or whatever, I can just be like, oh, my connection's bad. Sorry, bye. I can't do that for less.

SPEAKER_02: 23:31

That's I mean, it would be funny if if you did. I'm sorry, my connection's bad and just scurry out of the way.

SPEAKER_01: 23:37

I mean, I might, I might, given the right circumstance. So yeah, try virtual, try in-person, try women-only events, try co-ed events, try the events where there isn't really any structure. Everyone just shows up and gets a drink and mingles. Some people love those events. Those events are my worst nightmare. But you put me somewhere where it's like, okay, you have the number three. So you sit at this table with all the other people who have the number three, and we're gonna talk about this topic for the next 10 minutes, and then you're gonna move tables. I will do that all day long. Like, I love that. So try the different things and find what works best for you and your personality.

SPEAKER_02: 24:20

It's insane. BI is always what comes up when people talk networking. And one of my very best friends, she's been on the podcast, she has also moved through her entrepreneurial journey with several different businesses. She owns the messy cookies, she does custom cookie designs, but she also does virtual cookie decorating classes, all kinds of stuff. And she loves BI. She's been in BI pushing 10 years, and her businesses thrive in it. And she's one of my very best friends. And I completely dislike BI. It does not work for me, it's too regimented. So I lean towards those relationship focused because for me, the relationships lead to the referrals, which lead to business growth. And for her, those required one-on-ones that really strict, like this is how many one-on-ones you do a month, this is how many business cards you give out, works really well for her. And I love the analogy between the dating apps and networking because they're really there is something for everybody. You just have to be willing for something to not work so that you can keep trying to find the thing that does work. Hey, podcast listener, I just wanted to take a quick break from this week's show to talk to you a little bit about what I do as a creative strategist. I hope you're loving this week's conversation. If you have a big idea for a business, or maybe it's to launch something within your existing business, let's chat and see if I can help you make that happen. We'll sit down together, we'll talk about your big idea, and you'll walk away with actionable tasks to set those wheels in motion. From there, I'll write up everything we talked about and give you even more ideas and more tasks. I'll also let you know what I could do for you with my background in social media, marketing, English, document design, and corporate social responsibility. But more than that, I'll connect you with the business owners that I think you need to know to make your dream happen. All of that is how this podcast was born. So if that sounds good and you're interested in finding out more, reach out at jen at gensway.com. Now back to the show. Now you mentioned at a networking event, you believed a group of women was talking about you and talking about you negatively. How do you keep going to the net to the networking event and how do you brush that brush that off for lack of better term? And show up at the next one that's a big group of women and just keep moving forward.

SPEAKER_01: 26:51

Yeah, clearly I didn't that weekend, which is why I told you, sorry if I didn't talk to you, I was being weird. You know, fortunately, I was attending that event with two of my very best friends, and so that was very helpful. But I think a big part of it for me, that was really a good learning experience in that at the beginning of that event, I was thinking, I want to put something like this on. I think this would be really cool. I think I could do something similar to this, not the same thing, but similar. And then after that, and a couple other things that happened that weekend, I thought, why would I ever think I would be the one to put this on? You know, I was watching Cammy and she's amazing. And I was like, this is like this is not, why would why would I think I could do this? And the more I thought about it, the more I thought, this is actually exactly why I would be the person to do it, right? Because there are so many women out there who are entrepreneurs who think I can't succeed because I don't check X, Y, and Z box, right? I'm not a, you know, you and I talked about Jess Sato. She was speaking at that conference we were at, and she's one of my very best friends. And we are such different humans. Like she is so type A. I'm not sleeping till I get this done. I will be the best at everything. And she's been that way since she was in high school. And I love that about her. And I've learned so much from her. And I am the person that's like, I'm not setting my alarm. I'll wake up when I wake up. I hate waking up in the morning. Waking up in the morning is the worst thing ever in the world. I've tried to make myself a morning person a thousand times. I can't do it. I, you know, I have ADHD, I manage it well most of the time. I have never been an overachiever. I've always been the one that's like, I can study the night before and get a C. That's perfect. What why why would I do more than that? That doesn't even make sense. And so, like, really figuring out how to show other people that there is a place for them too, that they can still be successful without feeling like they have to like fit the mold. And it's okay that other people don't get you. It's okay that you're not what they were expecting you to be when they saw you on Facebook. Like, I think it's probably safe to say most of us, if we're being authentic, most of us are not in real life exactly what you're expecting from our Instagram, right? I mean, some of us are closer than others.

SPEAKER_02: 29:27

I'm pretty close. I will say, I was gonna say, I would say at this point, you and I are pretty close. Yeah, but yeah, but it takes a lot, it takes work to get there though, to actually I mean that's a whole nother conversation, but showing up online as you actually are. Um but that's not something that I know that's a whole part of identity as an entrepreneur, too, and how you think you're supposed to show up online when really like the more authentic and aligned you can show up online, that's a whole nother piece to this. That I I mean, you and I have only had a couple live conversations, but I feel like I really try. Truly know you because of our interactions online, because you do show up probably 95% exactly as who you are in person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:08

And that's one thing, like to go back to your answer to the question of how do I keep going? How do I keep showing up? How do I keep being myself? What I've found, especially in the Powerful Women Rising community and on these virtual speed networking events, I think it's really hard to find virtual networking events that are worth your time. And this one, like not to toot my own horn, but toot toot, it is. It's amazing every single month. And I think part of the reason for that is because I have realized that the more I show up authentically, the more I give other women permission to do the same thing. And when they find a space where it feels not even just like safe and accepted, but like encouraged for them to be themselves, they want that. They want to hang on to that. They want to be a part of that. They want more of it. And so that's what I just keep reminding myself. Some to go back to the online dating analogy. When I would work with my clients on their like online dating profiles, sometimes they would say, I don't want to put that on my profile. Like that's going to turn people off, or that's going to make people think I'm blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, you are, you are that. And it's equally as important that you turn people off as it is that you turn people on, or weird way to say that, but especially when we're talking about online dating. But you know, it's and that's what I keep telling myself is like, if those women were talking about me, they were never my people to begin with, right? But then I show up to the next event and I am my authentic self. For every one person that's like, ew, what is she? Why is she doing that? Why is she like that? She's not even funny. There's 10 other people that are like, oh my God, I love her. I don't know why, but I want to be around her.

SPEAKER_02: 31:52

And even if it's the opposite, if there's 10 people that are like, oh, she's not my people, that one person that's like that feels seen by you, that feels that connection, is so much better than if there were 20 people who love you for not being you. And I I want, I'm gonna bring this back to social media for a second because I think this is really important right now, especially. And I won't get too political, but this is something I I think is so important as business owners that you can share your opinions and beliefs on social for this exact reason we're talking about, though. Because even if you turn off 10 people and you lose 10 follows because you share whatever's on your heart, I don't care, I don't care what side you're on, I don't care what your beliefs are, you lose 10 people, that one person that's like, oh, I align with her, I see her, it can make all the difference, not just as a business owner, but as a human being, which is what this is all about ultimately. But every facet of yourself is so important. And it's, I mean, the dating analogy is perfect because let's say you put the thing on your or don't put the thing on your profile because you're afraid of it, and now you lose the chance to connect to the person that would have loved that about you. And so just be you and the gray area is boring. Be the most colorful, or maybe you like muted colors, whatever version of yourself. And the people that are supposed to find you are gonna find you. Like I get told I'm intimidating all the time, which blows my mind. I remember I was at a yoga studio, and a couple of the newer teachers were like, you're just you're so down to earth, and we thought you were you were so intimidating for so long. And so I went through this short period of time that is like, how do I stop coming off as intimidating? And then I was like, you know what? It's it's just who I am, and that's okay. And the people that are meant to get to know me on a deeper level are going to see whatever that intimidation is. And you have to just keep showing up, you have to keep digging a little bit deeper and showing those parts of you because someone's gonna love them, whether it's a business associate, a personal relationship, whatever. What makes your virtual events different from other? I know there's a video you have out there of like you attending a virtual event and then making your own because of how, right? Uh, so what makes yours different? What have you experienced in virtual events that makes them? I mean, we've all experienced bad virtual events, but in your experience, what makes a virtual event boring or a dud versus what you do every month for people?

SPEAKER_01: 34:24

Yeah, that's a great question. Before I answer it, I just want to say just because other people are intimidated doesn't mean you're intimidating.

SPEAKER_02: 34:32

That's yes, that is an important reminder.

SPEAKER_01: 34:34

People have been telling me I'm intimidated my whole life. That's mostly because I have an RBF. You have to Google that if you don't know what that stands for, but I don't know if I'm allowed to swear here. Yes. Okay, so resting bitch face, yes, is apparently very intimidating. But you know, I I'm just like, just because you're intimidated doesn't mean I'm intimidating. Yeah, we all own our feelings. Okay, so to answer your question, I it's funny. This is a funny story. I went to a virtual event once, which was shortly after I started doing my own. And it was all for women entrepreneurs. And I was like, oh, this is gonna be amazing. And I got on and like everything leading up was like, this is gonna be really good. I got on and I was watching the participant count on Zoom go up and up and up and up. And I was like, what is this lady doing? I mean, she had over 300 people on this virtual networking call. And I was like, wow, like I thought I was doing good. At that point, I had like 50 or 60 on mine. And I was like, you are blowing this out of the park. I would say probably 250 of those women never turn their cameras on. And so she puts us in a break in our first breakout room. I'm literally in a room with five other people. Four of them don't have their cameras on, one of them has her camera on, and I can see her. It's very dark, but I can see her, but she's not speaking. And no one's speaking. And so me, I'm like, hi, how is everybody today? No one responds. Like, I don't even know if anyone's like paying attention. I don't know what's happening. And so I'm like, okay. And so I sat there for a little bit and then I was like, this is so weird. So I left the breakout room. I went back to the main room and I was like, hi, nobody was talking. Everybody had their cameras off. She's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me put you in another room. Put me in another room. Exact same thing. And I was like, and I'm out. So that's one of the reasons I have a rule on our virtual speed networking event, you have to have your camera on because nobody wants to have a conversation with a black screen. It's so awkward. Like, I will do it if I have to. But even when I'm recording like audio only podcasts, I'm like, can we still please put our cameras on? Because it's so weird to just have this conversation, stay either staring at my own face or like staring at your name on the black screen.

SPEAKER_02: 36:50

And also ADHD, like I'm undiagnosed ADHD. When I'm not seeing a face, I'm like, I can get so easily distracted. Versus right now, I feel like I'm talking to you. So it's so much you've it's just easier to stay engaged and see how people respond, nodding your head, smiling, whatever, and being human. Anyway. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 37:12

So I give a little spiel at the beginning of every event where I'm like, leave your camera on, make sure that you're not distracted, make sure that you can hear people and other people can hear you. I don't love a virtual background. I don't tell people you can't use a virtual background, but I do say it's it's not the best because a lot of times, like it looks weird for starters. Like we know you're not at the beach. Number two, a lot of times those like green screen ones, like if you move just a little bit, all of a sudden we don't see like half your head. And you don't know that we don't see half your head, but we're like trying to have a normal conversation with you and you've disappeared into the palm tree. So things like that, that I'm just like, these are my recommendations. I always tell people, and this is I think is good practice in any virtual event, don't drop all your info in the chat unless the host asks you to, because inevitably there is someone who logs into that call and is like, hi, I'm Cindy. I live in South Africa and I do web design, and here's my website, and I offer a free consultation, and here's the link, and here's my phone number, and here's my email, and here's my Instagram. As soon as one person does that, everyone else sees that and is like, oh, that's what we're doing. And now you have 80 people's information in the chat. And guess how many people have seen yours? Literally none. None. Yeah. So I always tell people that, and that I think is very different than a lot of virtual events. I send out several emails in advance of the event, just saying, like, this is what you should expect. This is what we're doing. Don't come if you can't turn your camera on, that kind of stuff. And just kind of outline some things for them about like some very simple things that they may be doing without even knowing it, that is creating a salesy weirdo vibe, like dropping your information in the chat, or um, I provide a contact list to everybody who attends the event. So it's up to you what information you share on that contact list. Um, but everyone shares whatever information they want to share. And then I compile that, I send it out to everyone who is registered. And I'm always very specific about this is why you're getting this information. This is an appropriate use of this information. This is not an appropriate use of this information. Still, sometimes I'll get people, usually there's like six people all in a row that will forward me an email like salesy weirdo alert. Cause I don't know, people just don't believe me when I say it. But so that's part of it too, is like I'm very specific with them about like, here's how you can, here's who you should reach out to from this list. Here's how you should reach out to them in a personalized human way without being a salesie weirdo. And then the other thing is we usually get to at least three breakout rooms. So you have an opportunity to meet between 12 and 15 other women. And I'm very specific about making sure that everyone has enough time. Don't be the person who talks the whole time and then is like, oh my gosh, we have 60 seconds left. I'm sorry nobody else got to talk. Like that is such a bad look, you know, things like that to make sure that you are having a good experience, that you're not just answering the question and talking while the other four people in your breakout room are clearly doing something else on their screen. Like that's such a terrible feeling. And if we're here to create connections, then let's create connections. And I always give them a question or a topic to discuss in the breakout room. And I try to make it something that is allows them to learn about each other's businesses, but also allows them to learn about the person. And there's there's a there's a balance there, right? Like we don't, I don't want to just put you in a room for you to hear everybody's sales pitch or everybody's 60 second elevator commercial, whatever we're calling it. But I also don't want to put you in a room to hear, like, if you were an animal, what would you be? Like that's not that's not connecting you with anyone, that's not telling you much about who they are. So I will ask things like, why did you to share why you started your business or why you continue on in your business? Because that gives you an opportunity to talk about your business, but then they also get to hear like the person and the human and the heart behind the business. So I think the questions make a difference too.

SPEAKER_02: 41:12

Sometimes networking groups have really weird questions. It's it's like the icebreakers from especially like high school, those really weird, awkward questions. And then it's it feels judgment around your answer versus if you just asked me why I'm still in my business, I can answer that all day long.

SPEAKER_01: 41:30

That's amazing. I was on one once and they put us in breakout rooms and we were supposed to share who our celebrity crush was. And I was I literally laughed. I was like, not only do I not want to answer this question, but I don't, I literally don't care about your answer.

SPEAKER_02: 41:45

That's I mean, that's part of it too, is the other people have to actually care to hear about it. Right. And why does it matter?

SPEAKER_01: 41:51

No, I'm not gonna connect with you afterwards just because I'm like, oh my God, you think Kevin Costner is hot on Yellowstone, so do I. Let's connect. Like that's not the foundation of business relationships.

SPEAKER_02: 42:04

All right, a question that I always love to ask because entrepreneurship is hard, or entrepreneurship can get lonely. I mean, your first entrepreneurship entrepreneurship experience, you were handed a client list, which is like, what do you mean that you would all? Right? If it had been this, you would have been like, what are you talking about? I just had a business. But what keep what's the fire? What keeps you going when shit gets hard in entrepreneurship?

SPEAKER_01: 42:31

Yeah, I think it I mean, this is probably what most people say, but I I would say a big piece of it is going back to the why, going back to that feeling that I felt when I heard those women talking about me. That feeling that I felt when I was in eighth grade. I just shared this on Instagram recently, and we switched schools and I didn't know anybody. And I ate lunch in the bathroom by myself for the first two weeks because I didn't want to sit out there by myself. And I go back to that feeling, like all the times that I have felt like I was too much or not enough or didn't belong or something was wrong with me. And I know that there are so many more adult women out there who feel like that sometimes too. I mean, I still feel like that sometimes. And so I know how much value there is in having a space where they don't feel like that, where they feel like they can show up and be like, this is really, really hard. And I'm really struggling with basically everything in my business without the women that they're networking with being like, oh, I would never refer to her. She's failing, you know? Or show up and be like, sometimes they'll come to the mastermind calls and they'll be like, I need ideas for how to market this. And somebody will be like, oh, do this, this, and this. And they're like, I don't want to do that. Like, I just don't want to do that. And so to have that space where you feel like you can be honest, you can be true to yourself, you can be authentic, you are encouraged to build a business the way that you want to build it, as opposed to following this like cookie-cutter script of how it's supposed to be done. I just think that's so important. And I know that it's made a difference in my life. And I've heard from so many women in my community how much of a difference it's made in their lives. And even just my monthly speed networking events. Every time there I get at least one email afterwards, usually more, that are like, this is the first networking event I've ever been to, and it was amazing. I had someone tell me once, like, this is the first time I've ever not felt completely awkward and out of place at a networking event or things like that. And so that's the kind of stuff that like, and I I I tell the women in the community this too, when they feel like they don't want to keep going, is like there is someone out there right now who is suffering because they don't know that you exist. They don't know that you exist and that you have the solution to their problem. And so if you sit here today and you give up or you decide I'm done talking about my business for the next month or whatever else, like you are this is this is deep and not factually accurate, but you are essentially allowing that person to continue on in their misery because they don't know that you exist. And so I just always try to remember that for my own self too. Like, there's a woman, there's a female entrepreneur out there right now who maybe doesn't even know that she needs the powerful women rising community, but as soon as she finds it, is gonna be like, oh my god, I didn't even know this was what I needed. And when I think about it that way, how could I not keep going?

SPEAKER_02: 45:46

You gave me goosebumps. That's yeah, that's incredible. How can people get involved in what you do? Where can they find you? When's the next virtual event? Give us all the details.

SPEAKER_01: 46:00

Sure. So the easiest way is my website, powerfulwomenrising.com. That will take you a link to my podcast, which is also called Powerful Women Rising. There's an event section on that page, which will take you to the next upcoming virtual speed networking event. I don't know when this is airing, but they're always on the second Thursday of the month. So the next one is February 13th.

SPEAKER_02: 46:20

This will air right before that.

SPEAKER_01: 46:21

So okay, perfect. So join us February 13th. If you've never been before, you can use the promo code first time and attend at no cost. I mean, the tickets are only five bucks. We do that to help weird wheel weed out the salesy weirdos, but we'd love to have you attend the first time using that promo code. And also have been doing a lot on threads lately. I really tried to make myself love Instagram and I couldn't do it. And I'm loving threads. So if you want to connect with me on threads, I would love to connect with you over there too.

SPEAKER_02: 46:50

I love your threads. They're and you've built quite a following really quickly in threads, which is amazing. I actually saw somebody say like threads isn't what I thought it would be, and that made me sad because I think threads is one of the happiest places on the internet right now. Like it truly is. I posted a thread, this was a couple months ago now, that I finally feel committed to writing my first book, which is a goal of mine this year. And the amount of support I got from total and complete strangers on threads was almost overwhelming. It was incredible. I mean, I saw an author that is releasing a new, I guess, thriller or horror novel. And Stephen King replied to her about her novel. And now his quote is going on her book. And like, threads is a gem. So if you are not on threads, I suggest it. There is political content there, there is whatever, you know, there's the good and the bad, like any other platform. But I have found it's really easy to find your community on threads.

SPEAKER_01: 47:53

Yes. And one of my favorite things about threads, this here's another pro tip is there's a not interested button. So if you see a post that's about politics and you're like, I really don't want to see stuff about politics, you just click not interested, and there you go.

SPEAKER_02: 48:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 48:06

I love it so much.

SPEAKER_02: 48:07

And it gets back to text. I mean, you can post photos and videos, but I don't see that many photos and videos on mine. It's back to like written content. And as an English major, as someone who loves the written word. I like that I can just go over there and post whatever random thought has come my way. There's no pressure of like, oh, I, you know, I already posted today. Who cares? I have another random thought I want to share with the world. So I'm going to. So all that to say, if if you're not on threads, go check out threads. All right, Melissa. Well, I feel like you and I could literally talk all day. Uh, but I am very excited. By the time this airs, I will be a new Colorado Springs resident. So I am very much looking forward to attending some in-person stuff with you this year and getting to know you better. But I I so appreciate you taking the time and sharing your knowledge because you know, whether or not you have a business or not, relationships are everything in life in general. And I think everything you've said today really can apply to business owners and non-business owners. It's kind of what we all need. So thank you very, very much.

SPEAKER_01: 49:13

Thank you. Thank you. I love chatting with you.

SPEAKER_02: 49:16

And for everyone listening, if you want to hear more about what I do as a creative strategist, you can find me on Instagram at LifeGen's Way. That also links to my threads account, which again, love threads. Or my website is Jen at gensway.com. Two ends on Jen always. All right. Thanks again, Melissa. I look forward to what's next in the networking world with you. And for everyone listening, thank you so much. And I'll talk to you next week on your next business bestie. Have a wonderful week.

SPEAKER_00: 49:49

That's a wrap on this week's episode of Powerful Women Rising. Thanks for hanging out with us. If you love the podcast, make sure to subscribe, share it with a friend, write a review, or buy us a coffee. Your support helps more women like you step into their power and grow their businesses in a way that feels real and true to them. Want to keep the party going? Check out the show notes for details on our next virtual speed networking event or join us in the powerful women rising community. Until next time, remember that building a business your way is the best way.